(no subject)

[bzarcher]

Remember how I was gonna have a stress free Christmas? Just go down for Christmas day? Not make a big deal? Maybe go down for the late Eve service and be nice? Then leave if I worried about a scene or if the family stress got too high?

Yeah, that just died. :/

See, my parents have apparently decided that since nobody in their church choir except my Dad can sing well, that gives them the right to call and guilt me. They've actually been doing it since 3 weeks ago, and I'd been doing my best to brush it off, duck under, and let it go. But after 20 more minutes of whining tonight over the phone, I snapped under it, and gave in, which frustrates me. I do not like that despite the fact I resolved to prevent this, my parents can and will whine and plead with me to the point where giving in becomes a better option than holding to my conviction.

Because it's not just having to go down from Christmas Eve Morning until very likely the day after.

I get to give up my entire weekend towards practicing with their choir to try and help them get better.

Maybe a job in Columbus wouldn't be so good, after all....it'd mean I'd have even less to use to try to get away from them, next year.

Comments

[joriel.livejournal.com]

It takes a while to distance yourself from your family, to grow into full adulthood and be as in control of the relationship between you and them as they are. IT's not an instant thing, graduate and there it is. After all, it's built on a couple decades of obedience and interrelations. But you'll get there. :) Took me til I was 31 to realize that I'm done with teh guilt trips and you will be/do this this or that, and taking back my life from them, so if you get to the point any time before me, you're ahead of me. :)

[ls56.livejournal.com]

there's a book called "toxic parents" i suggest you look into.

[remotesensing.livejournal.com]

When I was still living in the same town as my mother and grandmother, it wasn't uncommon to get odd phone calls like "We haven't seen you in a while... come on over, we'll order a pizza...." I'd get there, and there'd be two lightbulbs to change.

Finally, I got tired of this, and the next phone call I got inviting me over, I asked which light bulb it was this time. Told them to call my sister.



My father, on the other hand, is so laid back about things it's always been disturbing.

[sillyfox.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're going through all too well. It's been done to me before, too. *hug*

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

My parents are at least honest that they want things from me. They just don't understand when I tell them I don't want to give them. Though I think some form of snapping point is coming.

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I wish I could figure out why they act like this.

[spacemangroove.livejournal.com]

Some parents are just like that. These parents have only one way to make you do what they want, guilt, and it's a trick they will pull on you again and again until you finally snap and either have a huge, relationship ending fight, or you kill them both.

By the way, I'd reccomend a third option, have a nice, long sit down with the folks and enumerate upon exactly how little you like having the guilt card played on you. Take your time, steamroller over their objections as quickly as possible,('cause they will have plenty of objections and even more guilt to pass out.) and be prepared to be a little hurt when you leave. Additionally, once you've had the talk, (Which, trust me, is absolutely essenntial.) you've got to call them on their guilt trip strategy when they start it, because, if they can get a good guilt trip going, the cycle will continue.

This is a small portion of the crap I deal with where my parents are concerned.

Ok, rant over.

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

Rant? I saw no rant. Just advice.

[demeterschild.livejournal.com]

My fellow commentor has a good point, and I'd like to add some of my own observations on parent-child relationships.

Some parents aren't sure how to make the transition from being the main focus in your life to being the main focus in each other's lives. In my lover's case, his mother isn't sure how to be a mother/wife. I think that sometimes she acts like a jealous (ex?) girlfriend where he's concerned because she's not sure where she fits in his life. So, the mother/wife roles blur and she's confused and a pain in the ass.

Your parents are stuck because your sister isn't in the same process of leaving the nest. She's at home, so they aren't aware of the fact that BOTH of you are getting on to being adults. She reverted to needing them, what with her illness, and so they don't understand that you don't need them the same way.

Working in the same city, at a full-time job, can have its perks. You can set boundaries easier and compromise with more confidence.