Why my cat should go to the NFL.
Sep. 19th, 2006 09:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bzarcherAs with most of my bad ideas, this started with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dklegman.
We were discussing the fact that many people already see Oakland as being On The Clock for Brady Quinn.
As I noted that I wasn't sold on how Quinn was supposed to be the Great White Hope, Dave commented, "Yeah, but it's not like he wouldn't be an improvement for Oakland. At this point, Patches could play for them and be an improvement."
Now, at first I blew this off as a joke, but then I thought about it a bit, and I've become convinced that Patches has the qualities that could allow her to excel in the NFL.
Let me explain.
1) Patches has been forced to compete for the last 6 months with Onyx. Food, attention, that nice spot on my bedroom window - all of these are things which she has had to fight for, and fight hard. She's not afraid to get her paws dirty, and she knows how to land the right shot at the right time.
Perfect for the Al Davis "Just Win, Baby" environment, and something that the current incarnation of the Raiders are sorely lacking.
2) Staying power. Anyone who has seen this cat knows that she will stay in a situation and refuse to be moved, no matter what happens. Even without her front claws she will put up a resistance that is just shocking, regardless of who is trying to get her out of a chair.
This tenacity will allow Patches to say in the pocket and work inside the box despite pressure from the defense, certainly something which Aaron Brooks can't claim, and allow her to get the play off.
3) Size. Patches is a big cat, and Oakland's going to need someone who can stand tall compared to the new generation of bigger and faster linebackers.
4) Aggression. Patches may have the hunting instinct of a box of wood, but she knows all about picking fights and keeping her hackles up - that sort of scrap should fire up the languid Raider offense, and bring a spark that ought to catch the Black Hole afire.
5) Lack of thumbs. Patches may not be able to throw a spiral, but she could certainly hand off easily and make good screen throws. And it's not like Aaron Brooks is doing that much better.
6) Randy Moss is a known cat person. Patches can almost certainly bring a greater connection between QB and reciever than the current environment.
So, Al Davis, Art Shell, I offer Patches, your QB of the future.
And the Future...is Now.
dklegman.We were discussing the fact that many people already see Oakland as being On The Clock for Brady Quinn.
As I noted that I wasn't sold on how Quinn was supposed to be the Great White Hope, Dave commented, "Yeah, but it's not like he wouldn't be an improvement for Oakland. At this point, Patches could play for them and be an improvement."
Now, at first I blew this off as a joke, but then I thought about it a bit, and I've become convinced that Patches has the qualities that could allow her to excel in the NFL.
Let me explain.
1) Patches has been forced to compete for the last 6 months with Onyx. Food, attention, that nice spot on my bedroom window - all of these are things which she has had to fight for, and fight hard. She's not afraid to get her paws dirty, and she knows how to land the right shot at the right time.
Perfect for the Al Davis "Just Win, Baby" environment, and something that the current incarnation of the Raiders are sorely lacking.
2) Staying power. Anyone who has seen this cat knows that she will stay in a situation and refuse to be moved, no matter what happens. Even without her front claws she will put up a resistance that is just shocking, regardless of who is trying to get her out of a chair.
This tenacity will allow Patches to say in the pocket and work inside the box despite pressure from the defense, certainly something which Aaron Brooks can't claim, and allow her to get the play off.
3) Size. Patches is a big cat, and Oakland's going to need someone who can stand tall compared to the new generation of bigger and faster linebackers.
4) Aggression. Patches may have the hunting instinct of a box of wood, but she knows all about picking fights and keeping her hackles up - that sort of scrap should fire up the languid Raider offense, and bring a spark that ought to catch the Black Hole afire.
5) Lack of thumbs. Patches may not be able to throw a spiral, but she could certainly hand off easily and make good screen throws. And it's not like Aaron Brooks is doing that much better.
6) Randy Moss is a known cat person. Patches can almost certainly bring a greater connection between QB and reciever than the current environment.
So, Al Davis, Art Shell, I offer Patches, your QB of the future.
And the Future...is Now.
