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Dec. 4th, 2002 06:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bzarcherIt's kinda sad.
Isa's admitted to me that she only tries to talk to me (more like talk -at- me, but...) when she's drunk, or she misses 'Wooster People'. She's talking at me right now, in fact.
(Heh. In this case it appears she misses 'Wooster people' because she's writing vampire backstories and vampires apparently==Wooster.)
I'm sorry she's so unhappy. Yet...I'm not that sorry for her. She chose to shatter nearly all of her friendships from the College, or friends she met while attending the college. And then she whines about wanting to come to visit Wooster as if it will heal it all...
Ironically enough, I suppose she did that for Vampire, too, since she started offending peope the more she got into OWBN stuff. (Though I suspect part of me is still bitter at how she used me to promote her own position in that group and then discarded me at convenince. And the fact she then shattered her friendship with Steve and Noelle because she got them to commit to one thing, and then ditched them to go to an OWBN convention/orgy.)
You reap what you sow...
It's funny. As angry and as hurt as I was by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pteryx, and as frustrated as I was...I don't hold that much against her. Part of me is still ...I dunno. Somewhere between remorse and frustrated anger? But not quite. Hard to define.
Towards Isa....god, I do think that part of me hates her. Or at least who she became. (Or was that who she always was and I was just too wrapped up in trying to love her to notice?) I certainly don't like her very much, despite how she keeps trying to attach to me...yet no matter how much I try to divorce myself, she's like a tar-baby. I can't really escape. So she continues to press, and my dislike and distrust deepens.
*shrug*
It's sad. And I don't know who is more worth pity. Isa, or myself.
The worst part? If not forskarlette helping me snap out of Isa's headgames and realizing what a good, healthy, loving relationship is supposed to mean, I'd probably have given in to her and gone back to her, despite everything she did.
I suppose I'm learning, and healing.
I love you,skarlette...for so many reasons. But especially because you've let me live, and let me heal, and let me find out who I was without trying to force anything.
I've learned to stop being afraid of saying "I love you". But I never feel like I say it enough...or that it says nearly enough.
Isa's admitted to me that she only tries to talk to me (more like talk -at- me, but...) when she's drunk, or she misses 'Wooster People'. She's talking at me right now, in fact.
(Heh. In this case it appears she misses 'Wooster people' because she's writing vampire backstories and vampires apparently==Wooster.)
I'm sorry she's so unhappy. Yet...I'm not that sorry for her. She chose to shatter nearly all of her friendships from the College, or friends she met while attending the college. And then she whines about wanting to come to visit Wooster as if it will heal it all...
Ironically enough, I suppose she did that for Vampire, too, since she started offending peope the more she got into OWBN stuff. (Though I suspect part of me is still bitter at how she used me to promote her own position in that group and then discarded me at convenince. And the fact she then shattered her friendship with Steve and Noelle because she got them to commit to one thing, and then ditched them to go to an OWBN convention/orgy.)
You reap what you sow...
It's funny. As angry and as hurt as I was by
pteryx, and as frustrated as I was...I don't hold that much against her. Part of me is still ...I dunno. Somewhere between remorse and frustrated anger? But not quite. Hard to define.Towards Isa....god, I do think that part of me hates her. Or at least who she became. (Or was that who she always was and I was just too wrapped up in trying to love her to notice?) I certainly don't like her very much, despite how she keeps trying to attach to me...yet no matter how much I try to divorce myself, she's like a tar-baby. I can't really escape. So she continues to press, and my dislike and distrust deepens.
*shrug*
It's sad. And I don't know who is more worth pity. Isa, or myself.
The worst part? If not for
skarlette helping me snap out of Isa's headgames and realizing what a good, healthy, loving relationship is supposed to mean, I'd probably have given in to her and gone back to her, despite everything she did. I suppose I'm learning, and healing.
I love you,
skarlette...for so many reasons. But especially because you've let me live, and let me heal, and let me find out who I was without trying to force anything. I've learned to stop being afraid of saying "I love you". But I never feel like I say it enough...or that it says nearly enough.
