bzarcher | The Good, the Bad, and The Icy. (Reply)

So. A lot of things have happened.

So. I'll start from the top.

Mom came to see me while dad went out. She had thought dad had handled things a bit more...tastefully. She found out otherwise. More stuff came out.

She didn't know how dad had been acting when she wasn't around. She knew he'd not been good, but not how bad he had gotten.

I held her for a long time, and we both cried for a bit. It helped. She told me she'd always wondered if, despite the fact she loved him, she should have left him.

I told her I didn't have an answer for that. We cried some more. It helped.

The christmas services were surprisingly beautiful.

After my mom and I talked, and I finally let out to her everything I'd been going through....I dunno. It felt like weights got taken off my back.

I think something in me has turned a corner. I know I can get through this all, now.

I sang from my soul tonight. Those things about joyful new years? Yeah. I plan to have lots of them.

Best part....he did it in a very roundabout way, but dad tacitly apologized for how he talked to me this morning, between services.

I don't think I'd ever heard him apologize before in my life.

I'll call it a Christmas miracle. Not enough to make me convert back to Christianity, really, but...I think YHVH and I can consider ourselves on more cordial terms.

Of course, then we had to drive home...

Roads were iced solid. I drove with Granma and Granda (they came down for the midnight service) so they'd have me for directions and my cell phone in case of trouble.

Reached Westerville....and power was out throughout the city.

We lit candles and lamps, and we used them to unload Granda's car. Lots of presents are now under the tree. We had some eggnog and cookies by firelight, saw Granma and Granda off to their hotel where my uncle is waiting, and then....the lights came on.

Took care of dishes, let everyone else get to bed, and wrote all this.

Alison just snuck back downstairs to give me a hug, and thank me for it all, and told me how much it meant to her and to mom that I came home and did everything I did, including singing in the choir. (This is particularly because Alison knows I am not a Christian.)

I think I'm getting a handle on the whole 'holidays' thing.
I think things are gonna be okay.
I think I maybe just got a lot of myself fixed from this morning's trauma.

I think that's the best christmas present anyone could ask for.

To everyone that's reading this...even if I don't know you that well:

Merry Christmas, Bright Blessings, and thank you for being here for me.

It's been a long time coming...but I think a lot of healing inside of me is finally taking hold.

Thank you. Thank all of you.

-Matthew Wagner, December 25th, 2002, 2:24am.

(P.S.: I love you, Lisa. Merry Christmas, my sweet