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Jun. 15th, 2003 01:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bzarcherOkay, the meeting got delayed until 2pm.
No problem. Gives me more time. So I decided to work on cleaning out a bunch of old files...
And found this horrid little one-act play I wrote back in highschool for an annual set of one-acts the theatre students did. Everyone was asked to submit a script, the seniors that year who wanted to direct chose their favorite scripts, and then selected a cast. I did this one Junior year, and it was one of 7 put on that year. (This was one of 3...there as another that I really liked but couldn't find, about a couple who battled with substance abuse. Might be somewhere at home, but I suspect it's lost to time unless the actors and director who produced it kept a copy.)
And like all masochists, I decided that I should clearly put it here for people to read and make fun of!
"CAPTAIN FANTASTIC!!"
by: M.Wagner (Why yes, I was a bit pretentious in my youth.)
Parts:
Capt. Fantastic-A not so super hero. Dressed in some kind of cheesy costume. An average looking guy underneath, but his face needs to be at least partially concealed by a mask of some kind.
Lori Lama-TV interviewer. Dressed in nice, reporteresque outfit.
Lights come up on TV studio {2 chairs and a table} where CPT.F. and Lori are sitting
Lori: Good Evening, Wilmington! I'm Lori Lama, and this is the 11 o'clock news. Tonight, we have a very special guest. As you know, Metropolis has Superman, Gotham City has Batman, New York has Spider-man, and now in our studio tonight we have the super hero who has chosen to protect our fair city, Captain Fantastic! Welcome to the show, Captain.
Cpt.F.: It's a pleasure to be here, Lori.
Lori: So, Captain, why did you decide to come on our show tonight?
Cpt: Well, Lori, I thought I'd come on to let people know about me, and because I'm sure your viewers have lots of questions about me they'd like answered.
Lori: You've got that right! First, the question that everyone has been wondering, what exactly are your super powers?
Cpt: Wellll....I've got a few of them.
Lori: Can you fly?
Cpt: Oh, yeah, sure!!
Lori: Are you faster than a speeding bullet?
Cpt: Sort of...
Lori: Sort of?
Cpt: Really enthusiastic. Actually, I'm faster than a speeding Yugo!
Lori: A speeding Yugo?
Cpt: Nods.
Lori: Oh, nevermind that. Do you have super strength?
Cpt: Yeah, I guess so.
Lori:Puzzled. Guess so? Can you bend this iron bar? Holds up a golf club or something.
Cpt.Undaunted. No, but I can bend silverware with two fingers!
Lori: Is that really a super power?
Cpt: Oh, Yeah! You wouldn't believe how tough that is!
Lori: Clearly trying to keep the interview under her control.Well, what about X-Ray vision?
Cpt: Really enthusiastic, he clearly LOVES talking about this stuff! Yeah! I've got that!
Lori: Relaxing, this is more like what she's expecting... Can you tell our viewers what's inside my purse? Holds up purse.
Cpt: No, but I can tell them what kind of underwear your're wearing.
Lori:Shocked! That Bastard! WHAT??
Cpt: Yeah, I can't see through very thick stuff, it sort of works like those glasses they sell in the back of comic books.
Lori: Flustered. She was expecting something like Superman, not this dip. So, ah, do you have super breath? Or heat vision?
Cpt: Yeah! Watch this! (Brings out a b-day cake with lots of candles-or something. Let's try not to burn the place down...) I can light all 50 candles on this cake with one glance! (Zap! We don't have to show this on stage if we can't work it out.) And then I can blow them all out in one breath!
Lori:Still not really impressed. Well, uh, tell us Captain, where do you come from? Another planet?
Cpt: Naaaaah, Hoboken.
Lori: Hoboken?
Cpt:Hoboken.
Lori: And, how did you become a super hero? Radiation? Magic? Aliens? A secret government formula? Cafeteria food?
Cpt: Well, those last two are almost the same thing.
Lori:Interested. This may be a way to get things back on track! Is that your secret?
Cpt:Chuckling No.
Lori: Then how?
Cpt: Oh, I went to Super Hero College and got my degree.
Lori: That still doesn't explain your powers. How did you get them?
Cpt: Well, they give them out by class rank. Superman was the valedictorian a couple of years ago, you can tell. Me, I was number 19, so it was either a bunch of little things, or one big thing.
Lori: So, why didn't you take the big thing? That seems like it would be better, to me.
Cpt: Because the powers left were the things designed by committee. I mean, who wants to be able to turn into a camel? Or magic tonsils?
Lori: ...I suppose those aren't things you can use every day. Genuinely curious. This a BIG question. But I guess the real question I have to ask is, if you don't mind answering-Hesitation...this is something she has to be careful with.
Cpt:Sensing her hesitation, and suspecting what she's going to ask. Go ahead, it's perfectly all right.
Lori: Well, after you got these, pardon me for saying so, not so super-powers, why did you decide to keep on being a super hero? I mean, it sounds like you could, no, still can, lead a normal life.
Cpt:Determined, very noble and sincere. Well, I guess because I see how the world is, and I...when you know you can make a difference, no matter how little, how do you go back to just sitting around when you can make things better for people? Ok, maybe I'm not as strong as Superman, or as fast as the Flash, and I can't swing on webs like Spider-man, and I don't have all the money for neat gadgets or cars like Batman, but at least I'm trying to make a difference, to help people who are in trouble, and isn't that what's really important?
Throughout this entire speech, Lori should be looking at him more closely, maybe there's more to this guy after all!!
Lori: Well, we're just about out of time, for those of you just tuning in, this has been an interview with Captain Fantastic, Super Hero. Emphasize those, please. Tune in tomorrow when we have our local mad scientist talking about the benefits of flying sheep!
I'm Lori Lama, and this has been the 11 o'clock news.
Lights to 60%, to show the cameras are off.
Cpt: Well, thanks for having me on the show Lori. Gets ready to take off, some kind of action pose.
Lori: Wait a second, please, Captain.
Cpt: Sure, why?
Lori: You...You really believe what you said back there.
Cpt: Of course! Would I be out here if I didn't? That's really the point of all this.
Lori: Smiling. This is the answer she was looking for. You know, I grew up in Hoboken.
Cpt: Also smiling, is this perhaps what he's been waiting for? Yeah...I know. I'll bet you don't remember me, but we were in Mrs. Drizzle's English class.
Lori: Really?
Cpt: Really.
Lori: Is that why you came out here? For me?
Cpt: Partly. Also because this just seemed like a good place to start a career.
Lori: Yeah, I guess I thought so too...But isn't it kind of quiet out here?
Cpt: Exactly! There's no real super villans, so mainly I'll just be helping regular
people, catching ordinary crooks, getting cats out of trees, that sort of thing.
Lori: Are superheros really supposed to do that sort of thing?
Cpt: Of course we are! What do you think we're supposed to do when there isn't a madman threatening to blow up the world, or a super villan rampaging through the streets?
Lori:I guess I never thought about it quite that way.
Cpt: Most people don't, but they really should. I suppose if enough people did, we
wouldn't even need superheros most of the time.
Lori: You're probably right...but before you go, can I ask you one last thing?
Cpt: Yes, of course.
Lori: You said we were in school together...
Cpt: Yes...
Lori: Who are you? Let me see your face, please.
Cpt:Hesitating I really shouldn't...secret identity you know...
Lori: Oh, come on...just once? I promise I'll keep the secret.
Cpt: Considers for just a second...it doesn't take much for him to decide Well, just this once...Turns with his back to audience, facing Lori, and removes mask, hood, stocking, paper bag, whatever we put over his face. Actually, I really like the paper bag idea. Definently need to go with that. Punch some holes for the eyes and mouth, perhaps.
Lori:Shocked and amused, but not in a cruel way. More like getting a surprise flower on your desk. You? Is it really you??
Cpt:Putting his mask back on, turning back toward audience...perhaps a bit bashful? Yeah, it's me.
Lori: Wow...I never expected to see you like this! You were always so...quiet.
Cpt:Sheepish, kind of shy. Yeah, I guess I was. But that's because I was dreaming all the time.
Lori: Dreaming? What about?
Cpt:Kinda "Aw, Shucks" attitude. This...gestures at costume I guess I always wanted to be a super hero, and when I got the chance, I had to try. And...
Lori: And? What else did you dream about?
Cpt: Well, to be honest...you. I just never had the chance to ask.
Lori:Touched. Really Touched, and a little "Aw, shucks, herself. Really? Me? You mean that?
Cpt:More confident. Yeah. Yeah I do.
Lori: All you ever had to do was ask...
Cpt: I couldn't.
Lori: Why not?
Cpt: Because, you were...are...beautiful, smart, funny, and I was just the quiet guy
who sat in the corner.
Lori:A touch regretful....I never knew I made you feel that way.
Cpt:Genltly. It's okay. You didn't do anything, it was just the way I felt.
Lori: A little mischievous. Say...you said you could fly, didn't you?
Cpt: Yeah... He's getting a little mischievous too...just a bit of a smile.
Lori:Moving closer to him Anything really serious going on right now that you need to help with?
Cpt: No....
Lori: Well, how about a quick flying lesson? Maybe it's time to make up for all those years we didn't talk. Taking his hand.
Cpt:Happy! He wasn't expecting this, but he isn't exactly against it, if you get my meaning. You're right...maybe it is. I'd love to.
Lori:Leading him off stage Shall we go, then?
Cpt:We shall.
The pair goes off stage, play some sort of flying sound...but not too fancy or fast. Propeller sound maybe? Like those planes that are supposed to be falling apart in the cartoons. Cough, sputter, putt-putt-putt.
Lights Down, applause, bows, and of course, stuff.
The End!!!!
And now you see why I made sure not to pursue play writing when I got to college.
Still, it was kinda cute to find it. I remember there was a totally horrific outfit they did. Black tights with bright red Highlights and a pink and silver 'CF!' on his chest, and a pink bandanna and do-rag rather than the paper bag.
I don't think it was actually that good, but several people complimented me on it. And my later one with the substance abuse actually got a lot of approval and thanks for doing something so serious. *shrug*
No problem. Gives me more time. So I decided to work on cleaning out a bunch of old files...
And found this horrid little one-act play I wrote back in highschool for an annual set of one-acts the theatre students did. Everyone was asked to submit a script, the seniors that year who wanted to direct chose their favorite scripts, and then selected a cast. I did this one Junior year, and it was one of 7 put on that year. (This was one of 3...there as another that I really liked but couldn't find, about a couple who battled with substance abuse. Might be somewhere at home, but I suspect it's lost to time unless the actors and director who produced it kept a copy.)
And like all masochists, I decided that I should clearly put it here for people to read and make fun of!
"CAPTAIN FANTASTIC!!"
by: M.Wagner (Why yes, I was a bit pretentious in my youth.)
Parts:
Capt. Fantastic-A not so super hero. Dressed in some kind of cheesy costume. An average looking guy underneath, but his face needs to be at least partially concealed by a mask of some kind.
Lori Lama-TV interviewer. Dressed in nice, reporteresque outfit.
Lights come up on TV studio {2 chairs and a table} where CPT.F. and Lori are sitting
Lori: Good Evening, Wilmington! I'm Lori Lama, and this is the 11 o'clock news. Tonight, we have a very special guest. As you know, Metropolis has Superman, Gotham City has Batman, New York has Spider-man, and now in our studio tonight we have the super hero who has chosen to protect our fair city, Captain Fantastic! Welcome to the show, Captain.
Cpt.F.: It's a pleasure to be here, Lori.
Lori: So, Captain, why did you decide to come on our show tonight?
Cpt: Well, Lori, I thought I'd come on to let people know about me, and because I'm sure your viewers have lots of questions about me they'd like answered.
Lori: You've got that right! First, the question that everyone has been wondering, what exactly are your super powers?
Cpt: Wellll....I've got a few of them.
Lori: Can you fly?
Cpt: Oh, yeah, sure!!
Lori: Are you faster than a speeding bullet?
Cpt: Sort of...
Lori: Sort of?
Cpt: Really enthusiastic. Actually, I'm faster than a speeding Yugo!
Lori: A speeding Yugo?
Cpt: Nods.
Lori: Oh, nevermind that. Do you have super strength?
Cpt: Yeah, I guess so.
Lori:Puzzled. Guess so? Can you bend this iron bar? Holds up a golf club or something.
Cpt.Undaunted. No, but I can bend silverware with two fingers!
Lori: Is that really a super power?
Cpt: Oh, Yeah! You wouldn't believe how tough that is!
Lori: Clearly trying to keep the interview under her control.Well, what about X-Ray vision?
Cpt: Really enthusiastic, he clearly LOVES talking about this stuff! Yeah! I've got that!
Lori: Relaxing, this is more like what she's expecting... Can you tell our viewers what's inside my purse? Holds up purse.
Cpt: No, but I can tell them what kind of underwear your're wearing.
Lori:Shocked! That Bastard! WHAT??
Cpt: Yeah, I can't see through very thick stuff, it sort of works like those glasses they sell in the back of comic books.
Lori: Flustered. She was expecting something like Superman, not this dip. So, ah, do you have super breath? Or heat vision?
Cpt: Yeah! Watch this! (Brings out a b-day cake with lots of candles-or something. Let's try not to burn the place down...) I can light all 50 candles on this cake with one glance! (Zap! We don't have to show this on stage if we can't work it out.) And then I can blow them all out in one breath!
Lori:Still not really impressed. Well, uh, tell us Captain, where do you come from? Another planet?
Cpt: Naaaaah, Hoboken.
Lori: Hoboken?
Cpt:Hoboken.
Lori: And, how did you become a super hero? Radiation? Magic? Aliens? A secret government formula? Cafeteria food?
Cpt: Well, those last two are almost the same thing.
Lori:Interested. This may be a way to get things back on track! Is that your secret?
Cpt:Chuckling No.
Lori: Then how?
Cpt: Oh, I went to Super Hero College and got my degree.
Lori: That still doesn't explain your powers. How did you get them?
Cpt: Well, they give them out by class rank. Superman was the valedictorian a couple of years ago, you can tell. Me, I was number 19, so it was either a bunch of little things, or one big thing.
Lori: So, why didn't you take the big thing? That seems like it would be better, to me.
Cpt: Because the powers left were the things designed by committee. I mean, who wants to be able to turn into a camel? Or magic tonsils?
Lori: ...I suppose those aren't things you can use every day. Genuinely curious. This a BIG question. But I guess the real question I have to ask is, if you don't mind answering-Hesitation...this is something she has to be careful with.
Cpt:Sensing her hesitation, and suspecting what she's going to ask. Go ahead, it's perfectly all right.
Lori: Well, after you got these, pardon me for saying so, not so super-powers, why did you decide to keep on being a super hero? I mean, it sounds like you could, no, still can, lead a normal life.
Cpt:Determined, very noble and sincere. Well, I guess because I see how the world is, and I...when you know you can make a difference, no matter how little, how do you go back to just sitting around when you can make things better for people? Ok, maybe I'm not as strong as Superman, or as fast as the Flash, and I can't swing on webs like Spider-man, and I don't have all the money for neat gadgets or cars like Batman, but at least I'm trying to make a difference, to help people who are in trouble, and isn't that what's really important?
Throughout this entire speech, Lori should be looking at him more closely, maybe there's more to this guy after all!!
Lori: Well, we're just about out of time, for those of you just tuning in, this has been an interview with Captain Fantastic, Super Hero. Emphasize those, please. Tune in tomorrow when we have our local mad scientist talking about the benefits of flying sheep!
I'm Lori Lama, and this has been the 11 o'clock news.
Lights to 60%, to show the cameras are off.
Cpt: Well, thanks for having me on the show Lori. Gets ready to take off, some kind of action pose.
Lori: Wait a second, please, Captain.
Cpt: Sure, why?
Lori: You...You really believe what you said back there.
Cpt: Of course! Would I be out here if I didn't? That's really the point of all this.
Lori: Smiling. This is the answer she was looking for. You know, I grew up in Hoboken.
Cpt: Also smiling, is this perhaps what he's been waiting for? Yeah...I know. I'll bet you don't remember me, but we were in Mrs. Drizzle's English class.
Lori: Really?
Cpt: Really.
Lori: Is that why you came out here? For me?
Cpt: Partly. Also because this just seemed like a good place to start a career.
Lori: Yeah, I guess I thought so too...But isn't it kind of quiet out here?
Cpt: Exactly! There's no real super villans, so mainly I'll just be helping regular
people, catching ordinary crooks, getting cats out of trees, that sort of thing.
Lori: Are superheros really supposed to do that sort of thing?
Cpt: Of course we are! What do you think we're supposed to do when there isn't a madman threatening to blow up the world, or a super villan rampaging through the streets?
Lori:I guess I never thought about it quite that way.
Cpt: Most people don't, but they really should. I suppose if enough people did, we
wouldn't even need superheros most of the time.
Lori: You're probably right...but before you go, can I ask you one last thing?
Cpt: Yes, of course.
Lori: You said we were in school together...
Cpt: Yes...
Lori: Who are you? Let me see your face, please.
Cpt:Hesitating I really shouldn't...secret identity you know...
Lori: Oh, come on...just once? I promise I'll keep the secret.
Cpt: Considers for just a second...it doesn't take much for him to decide Well, just this once...Turns with his back to audience, facing Lori, and removes mask, hood, stocking, paper bag, whatever we put over his face. Actually, I really like the paper bag idea. Definently need to go with that. Punch some holes for the eyes and mouth, perhaps.
Lori:Shocked and amused, but not in a cruel way. More like getting a surprise flower on your desk. You? Is it really you??
Cpt:Putting his mask back on, turning back toward audience...perhaps a bit bashful? Yeah, it's me.
Lori: Wow...I never expected to see you like this! You were always so...quiet.
Cpt:Sheepish, kind of shy. Yeah, I guess I was. But that's because I was dreaming all the time.
Lori: Dreaming? What about?
Cpt:Kinda "Aw, Shucks" attitude. This...gestures at costume I guess I always wanted to be a super hero, and when I got the chance, I had to try. And...
Lori: And? What else did you dream about?
Cpt: Well, to be honest...you. I just never had the chance to ask.
Lori:Touched. Really Touched, and a little "Aw, shucks, herself. Really? Me? You mean that?
Cpt:More confident. Yeah. Yeah I do.
Lori: All you ever had to do was ask...
Cpt: I couldn't.
Lori: Why not?
Cpt: Because, you were...are...beautiful, smart, funny, and I was just the quiet guy
who sat in the corner.
Lori:A touch regretful....I never knew I made you feel that way.
Cpt:Genltly. It's okay. You didn't do anything, it was just the way I felt.
Lori: A little mischievous. Say...you said you could fly, didn't you?
Cpt: Yeah... He's getting a little mischievous too...just a bit of a smile.
Lori:Moving closer to him Anything really serious going on right now that you need to help with?
Cpt: No....
Lori: Well, how about a quick flying lesson? Maybe it's time to make up for all those years we didn't talk. Taking his hand.
Cpt:Happy! He wasn't expecting this, but he isn't exactly against it, if you get my meaning. You're right...maybe it is. I'd love to.
Lori:Leading him off stage Shall we go, then?
Cpt:We shall.
The pair goes off stage, play some sort of flying sound...but not too fancy or fast. Propeller sound maybe? Like those planes that are supposed to be falling apart in the cartoons. Cough, sputter, putt-putt-putt.
Lights Down, applause, bows, and of course, stuff.
The End!!!!
And now you see why I made sure not to pursue play writing when I got to college.
Still, it was kinda cute to find it. I remember there was a totally horrific outfit they did. Black tights with bright red Highlights and a pink and silver 'CF!' on his chest, and a pink bandanna and do-rag rather than the paper bag.
I don't think it was actually that good, but several people complimented me on it. And my later one with the substance abuse actually got a lot of approval and thanks for doing something so serious. *shrug*
