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Apr. 25th, 2002 12:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bzarcherIt's amazing how a good feeling can be utterly sucked out of you after a few minutes or less.
I admit, I'm still hanging on to some residual guilt about![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ixx losing Zenny on trying to help my fairly pathetic ass in RO. But this is mostly out of a much different situation.
Back around Februrary, Noelle asked about something online she could do which would be cheap, fun, and not EverCrack. So I showed her M3. And she's done okay. Not stellar, but okay, though she's had some problems, at times. But apparently she's playing her character (Symphony) a lot like one of Steve's old Cam vampire characters. In fact, she's almost exactly the same. As in Noelle decided to just play the same character with a different name.
Steve got a little pissed about that. Plagarism's an ugly word, but the only appropriate one.
So Steve decided once he calmed down that hey, maybe it'd be something they could do together, and applied for an original charactere instead of an off the rack. (Note: This did -not- go through me, as I only handle RMs and there are no RM OCs.) Got rejected. I got called at 3am to be sweared at vigorously about that.
He applied for the same basic concept, except modified. Rejected again. This has apparently triggered another fight between him and Noelle that lead to her asking if she should just go kill herself, him saying yes, her unplugging her phone, and him driving up there because he's afraid she might, after calling me and unloading everything to me, right after she unloaded a ton of stuff to me over AIM and signing off.
I can't reach either of them right now.
First I want answers to why I can't seem to go more than a few weeks without hurting people I care about or setting up everyone else for emotional raping.
Then....I keep wondering. If I didn't have papers due tomorrow morning, and if missing a class w/o written permission from Prof. Gates wasn't an automatic failure in 21st century warfare, I'd probably be trying to get a car, at this point. Trying to find out what is going on. Trying to solve what...they kept saying it wasn't my fault. But it feels like it is.
I think the only thing keeping me from ending my current headache with a hammer is that I will not accept an ending without honor.
Some fucking comfort. I'm just locked into my code enough to keep from killing myself, not enough to keep from hurting everyone I care about.
I can actually feel the skin on my temples throbbing. Popped 4 aleve. No noticable improvement.
I can't figure out what's worse. The fact that I care. The people I care about. Or the way I seem to care too much, and still manage to hurt everyone else.
I admit, I'm still hanging on to some residual guilt about
ixx losing Zenny on trying to help my fairly pathetic ass in RO. But this is mostly out of a much different situation.Back around Februrary, Noelle asked about something online she could do which would be cheap, fun, and not EverCrack. So I showed her M3. And she's done okay. Not stellar, but okay, though she's had some problems, at times. But apparently she's playing her character (Symphony) a lot like one of Steve's old Cam vampire characters. In fact, she's almost exactly the same. As in Noelle decided to just play the same character with a different name.
Steve got a little pissed about that. Plagarism's an ugly word, but the only appropriate one.
So Steve decided once he calmed down that hey, maybe it'd be something they could do together, and applied for an original charactere instead of an off the rack. (Note: This did -not- go through me, as I only handle RMs and there are no RM OCs.) Got rejected. I got called at 3am to be sweared at vigorously about that.
He applied for the same basic concept, except modified. Rejected again. This has apparently triggered another fight between him and Noelle that lead to her asking if she should just go kill herself, him saying yes, her unplugging her phone, and him driving up there because he's afraid she might, after calling me and unloading everything to me, right after she unloaded a ton of stuff to me over AIM and signing off.
I can't reach either of them right now.
First I want answers to why I can't seem to go more than a few weeks without hurting people I care about or setting up everyone else for emotional raping.
Then....I keep wondering. If I didn't have papers due tomorrow morning, and if missing a class w/o written permission from Prof. Gates wasn't an automatic failure in 21st century warfare, I'd probably be trying to get a car, at this point. Trying to find out what is going on. Trying to solve what...they kept saying it wasn't my fault. But it feels like it is.
I think the only thing keeping me from ending my current headache with a hammer is that I will not accept an ending without honor.
Some fucking comfort. I'm just locked into my code enough to keep from killing myself, not enough to keep from hurting everyone I care about.
I can actually feel the skin on my temples throbbing. Popped 4 aleve. No noticable improvement.
I can't figure out what's worse. The fact that I care. The people I care about. Or the way I seem to care too much, and still manage to hurt everyone else.
