Don't fucking touch me.

[bzarcher]

I was having a very good day, until about 30 seconds before I left work.

Why? Well, this is what I got when I said "See you later" to some people on M3, where I'd been slumming the last 20 minutes or so of work.

(Censored) pages: sighs...
"What's wrong?"
-"I closed the account on the Gargoyles MUSH today."
"Oh. I'm sorry. That sucks."
-"Why do you say that?"
"Well, it was a neat idea. I'm sorry it didn't work out."
-"That's funny, since it was your fault it started to die."
"....."
-"I'm leaving, here, and MUSHing in general, anyhow. So it doesn't matter. But it started when you decided to leave Gargoyles. I don't like people that betray me."

It was funny. I felt my body clench up just like I used to when my father started talking quiet, and telling me that it was my fault for something. I felt my chest tense up, because that's where he likes to hit first.

It's amazing what the body remembers no matter how hard the mind works to forget.

You. Stuck up. Bitch.

You scream about how people don't trust you or hate you. You talk about how "people say you're hard to work with." Talk about how hard things are for you. You were even begging me to help you with descriptions for a new character you were getting and used my ideas verbatim.

You have no fucking clue.

Do you want to know what hate is?

Hate is a fist or a belt to the face from the person who's supposed to be teaching you how to be an adult.

Hate is having the typewriter you use to communicate legibly because you don't have complete control of your hands for the first 10 years of your life kicked away, broken in half, and kicked back to you before 6 people jump on you.

Hate is having to watch friends and loved ones get hurt without being able to do a damn thing.

Hate is knowing every day that you're letting the people who are important to you down.

You say "I killed" the Gargoyles MUSH?

I'm sorry. I took an offer from someone who decided they liked my work, just like you did.

I'm not the one who told me -to my face- that "Anyone who works as staff here is someone I can't trust."

You're not the one who fired me from there, then started asking me to come back because your mood swings kept costing you staff.

I didn't do anything? I -busted- my ass for you, just like every other job. I wrote character profiles until I fell asleep at the keyboard, which you then said were "great" before losing them.

Get the FUCK over yourself.

I know more about hate, and rage, and betrayal than you ever will. The first 17 years of my life were spent screaming inside.

Hell, you want betrayal?

MY FUCKING BODY IS KILLING ME, AND THERE ISN'T A DAMN THING I CAN DO. I can lose more weight. I can keep exercising. But that doesn't matter, because more than enough of the damage is already done. Between the abnormality of my blood ph, and the rest of the things I've gone through, I probably won't like past 60, at best.

-THAT'S- Betrayal.

Leave, and have fun being alone.

I'm calming down as I've been writing. And even though I'm worried about ijikeru, even though I'm worried about sk4p, I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna talk to my friends.

Eat -that-.

Comments

*hugs*

[ladylysander.livejournal.com]

I hope you feel better... And they had no right to say that... Assuming it's who I think it is.. They've always been.. Someone you want to step on Eggshells around.. Because they're prone to crap like that... It's better to ignore them, than to let them pull this shit on you. -.-

*HUGS*

Sonya

[chaoticgoodnik.livejournal.com]

::hugs:: I doubt you are letting people down nearly as much as you think. Probably not at all, in fact.

[doomflower.livejournal.com]

Extremely ignorant on...this person's part.

I suspect some mental problems. This person makes a habit of being rude and insulting to everyone.

Assuming it's who I think it is.

Whoo.

[heatherbeast.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that you had to be on the receiving end of that type of treatment.

It can be difficult to deal with that type of behavior. My preferred approach is avoidance -- giving it a bit of time to cool off may be for the best. However, it may be in your best interest to remember this event, and that if you should deal with the person again, that something similar may happen. Of course, I'm not advocating that you *completely* write off the person, either.

It's a difficult situation. It really sounds like a comment made in one of these mood swings hit a nerve with you. I doubt that the choice of that particular comment was meant as an intentional jab.

You're quite the good apple, Matt, and it sounds like you're responding to this better than your initial reaction. I can only hope that if you think I ever do anything untoward or questionable, that you'll not hesitate in speaking your mind. I have a good hunch that you would.

Chin up. Find the activities and people that you love, and spend time with them. Here's to a great evening and an even better night.

And Father Leary puts it best

[tarzxf.livejournal.com]

"Shithead!"

Amen, Denis Leary.

[spiralpegasus.livejournal.com]

This explains much. A very very similar person likes has been playing the guilt game with moi for many many moons too. How her roommate can live with her, I don't know. Meh, forget her. And you'll live to be 90, just you wait and see. If you have any doubt, ask George Burns. :)

[avylin.livejournal.com]

Considering I'm the one that got The Person In Question on her current snark-jag, I should apologize, as it would seem it advertently came to bite you in the ass. But... yeah. You know how she is... she flies off the handle for all sorts of petty stuff...

Wish I could help somehow. I'm always willing to listen when I'm around, though... remember that.

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

SHhhh. If I'm not allowed to blame myself for things that aren't my fault, neither are you.

You're not responsible for her going onto a bitch jag.