Tired...

[bzarcher]

Didn't help I got awoken a half hour earlier than planned by my grandparents calling to see if I could go to the Mikado this weekend, despite having told them and my parents no when asked earlier, because it conflicts with the speaker that I was asked to take out to dinner along with several other History majors, and the conference et al.

But...it's not just that.

I think, as much as I love M3, and as much as I've tried to promote it to others and expended energy, it's starting to grind me down. And some of that may be because I'm standing as Hunter Wiz, Maverick Wiz, Assistant Director, and kinda doing everything else that needs done when we can't catch anyone else, but...a lot of it is just coming out of all of the increasing divides in the players, I suspect. I spend a lot of time either playing peacemaker or apologizing, and more often than not I try to set up compromises and they go horribly wrong.

I couldn't even log in this morning without things exploding, and having to try to do my best to help parties involved.

And the worst part is, I don't know if I can actually leave, or even take a vacation, not only because we'd not be able to cover the staffing holes, but because I strongly suspect the MUSH would tear itself apart in fairly short order.

Egotistical, perhaps, but it certainly feels like I'm one of the few people trying to back and forth to both sides of the arguments, and that I'm the one all the people needing compromises go to.

So. The room is too small, and I am unable to leave.
Edit: People have contacted me asking me to make it a public entry. So I am.

Comments

There is a ten feet tall troll in a room with a seven feet tall door.

[chaoticgoodnik.livejournal.com]

I could say that I told you that M3 was not necessarily good for you, and it would be true, but well, I'm sorry it's getting to you. :( ::hug::

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I know, I know... believe me several "I told you so"s are in my head.

But...yeah. I have this bad habit of overcommitting myself to things I care about, but hopefully things will turn around.

[tigerfox.livejournal.com]

Maybe ask to see if the duties can get shifted around? See if anyone else is willing to help pick up the slack? I don't know what else to suggest.

Oh, and stop apologizing for things all the time! :) You say 'I'm sorry' a lot, and I can't see how you would have anything to do with, say... a person's computer spontaneously reformatting itself or something (yes, that was really random). You don't always have to play the peacekeeper; it's a hard mantle to wear. +coach the people, or ask someone else to step in to handle one party while you talk to the other. Admin is a web of people, not a tower of increasing responsibility.

Perhaps plan on taking all May off for an admin vacation? It'd give you a break, at least.

Feeling Cramped

[duskpaw.livejournal.com]

You're not alone. While I'm not shouldering the same load you are - in fact, I tend to slack a bit with the load I'm bearing - the growing split is pulling on me too. There have been several times I felt like just walking off the MUSH. If it weren't for some of the friendships I've formed, I probably would have simply vanished into the aether.

I don't know what the solution is. I'd say move those of us who want to to a new MUSH, with new theme and new players... but that would mean abandoning those who need our help. The question becomes... when does helping start hurting us too much? I don't have an easy answer.

But the admincorps and the playerbase don't always see eye to eye anymore, and I'm not sure where the blame for it lies. Deep thoughts.

[doomflower.livejournal.com]

Y'all, this is bad juujuu. Listen to yourselves.

This doesn't bode well, especially when a number of the other admin suddenly speak up and go... yeah, I feel that way, too!

And before someone says -- oh, you must not have ever been an admin? Yeah, I have. I've been Wiz and Roy before.

So no, this isn't normal. Someone needs to see this.

[tempest56.livejournal.com]

You're not alone. By a long shot. I've been in the same boat - still am. 'S why I've been all over the place as of late. One day I'm roaring to come back and save the world, next I'm not logging in for a week. *Something* is wrong, but I don't know what. There's something there that's just wearing away at people. Half the staff, it seems, is barely surviving day to day without going postal. Every time I turn around, somebody's on the edge. I don't remember it being like this in the past - there were problems and stress, but not to the level we're seeing now.
Maybe it's time for another staff sit-down to address issues. Figure out what the heck the problem is. Good luck with it, if ya do.

[remliel.livejournal.com]

Hmm.... What can we do to fix this? What do we all want to get out of this? What divides do you see, and why can't they compromise?

[denebola.livejournal.com]

Tch. You're only one man Matt. Not the MUSH. Believe you me, we won't tear each other to -shreds- if you take a short break, or something more. And believe me, I've been in your spot. I know how you're feelin. You can't help and heal everyone, no matter how much you'd like to. As for seeing both sides? I may seem extremist on my want to steer the mush down a path, any path, as long as it's a path, but I have taken a look at the other sides. I just move towards the side that needs my help the most.

And if you want some help with the slack, start slacking, and whap me upside the head to take up more of it. I've just been listless lately, wallowing. I can use that boot in my ass.

[grandmoff.livejournal.com]

The MUSH will live or die on its own, regardless of your efforts or presence. Even if you were to resign, someone else would be elevated to assume your duties and life would go on. Faction admin can certainly facilitate the running of a faction, but they are hardly a necessity. Often they are more hindrance than help.

So take your vacation. Hell, retire. Ultimately M3 won't care. In three months or less most of the players will have forgotten, if they ever cared to begin with.

My final bit of advice concerns stepping in to moderate arguments. Sometimes you just have to let people go at each other. You don't have to get involved in every issue, even when the knock-down-drag-out is between two or more people you consider friends. It is not a requirement that for you to have friends, they must all tolerate each other. Let them fight. Let them scratch, claw, scream, cuss, rend, tear, pummel, engage in character assassination, whatever to their hearts content. They have to solve their own problems. Moderators never solve anything. The best they can do is postpone the fight for a little while, or cause it to be moved to a venue where they can not interfere.

[ixx.livejournal.com]

All I can really say, not knowing what is going on exactly, is that M3 has given me a chance to get to know you better, and I would miss you if you left. Especially since it seems like quitting wouldn't make you happy. If I can help out, I'll try.