(no subject)

[bzarcher]

...

"It's out of your hands and nothing you can do."

SO WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING TO ME EXPECTING ME TO FIX IT?

I am sick and tired of fixing your relationships, your self image, and your life! Especially when it's bad enough when you try to console me with, "Oh, you'll see her in person soon," and then go into more talking about EXACTLY what I can't have right now.

Isn't it enough that I'm frustrated by distance, and jealous of the fact that you and quite a few of my friends can live /with/ or at least /near/ the person they love? Do you really NEED to rub it in? Is it /that/ satisfying? And then when things aren't working, of course all of you seem to need me. Can't you all fix your own problems? You love these people? Great. STOP WHINING AND START TALKING TO THEM. THAT'S WHAT ADULTS DO.

Has it occured to any of you that I have enough on my plate? That maybe, just maybe, I'd like to focus on my own stuff for a bit, maybe do this whole exams and graduation thing?

And yes. You're right. skarlette will be here in a bit more than a week. And maybe I'm excited and nervous enough about it that I don't really need you people putting even more of your shit on my shoulders? That maybe I want to just be myself for her, and make this good and special for both of us?

ESPECIALLY you. No offense, dear, but I've been carrying your ass on my fucking shoulders for 3 years. Ever since I helped pull you off the bloodstained carpet and basically turned into your therapist and support group all in one. You need help? You come to me. You need reassurance? You come to me. You need someone to let your stress out? You come to me. You need someone to talk with? You come to me. You need anything? You come to me.

I realize you don't have that many people you can talk to right now, but /maybe/ you could try one of them for awhile? I'm getting a little burnt.

And I know I'm going on 3 hours of sleep. I know I'm probably gonna regret it later. But you know what? Fuck it. Writing this feels /good/.

Comments

[demeterschild.livejournal.com]

I apologize for allowing you to become my closest friend.

*Arching a brow and taking a deep breath*

[skarlette.livejournal.com]

Everyone calm down now, okay? No one needs this right now. You both are under a great deal of pressure. Why don't you both sit back, get some rest or de-stress and come at this with a fesh persepective....this profits no one and I would like to see both of you when I come to visit.

*bowing and sitting down quietly*

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

Mea culpa. Mea culpa.

You're right. And you will see both of us. Somehow, I will make it happen, I promise.

Thank you, love.

We all need to release sometime

[denebola.livejournal.com]

Believe me, I know where you're coming from. I've played the doormat. The thing is to just realize when you're at that breaking point, drag yourself out of the mentality that keeps you on that supportive, helping norm, and do something self-centered, just for you, and act standoffish to the issues brought your way. Of course, I'm going on what is a decided lack of details...but honestly man, don't let it stress you out, alright? Or I'll go up there by greyhound, and see how well an X-box can be used as a bludgeoning weapon. :P

And you never did tell me what this Fizzball stuff is all about, unless I forgot to re-read the post I commented about it on. :D

Re: We all need to release sometime

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

Re-read the post about Fizzball, and don't hit people with Xboxes. Strangle them with the controllers. :D