bzarcher | Comfort Zone

I've noticed that I seem to be a much stabler person over the last year, year and a half.

Why, however, I've only started to figure out.

I spent a lot of time trying to repress a lot of my urges, particularly ones of anger, frustration, violence, and dominant style behavior. Mostly I was afraid of my temper and hurting someone. I was also somewhat worried about slipping into the same dark well that was my father's lack of control.

That repression was mostly effective, but I'm starting to recognize that it started to explode at times when the pressure became too great.

And now? I'm still the same person, but rather than repression, I've found increasing amounts of expression and outlets.

skarlette has helped me develop and become comfortable with some of this, and the rest I think has expressed itself in my increasing work drive or academic performance, or in how I approach others with a more confident attitude.

And, of course, how I let loose with large firepower in Halo and Mechassault. The violence is expressed, or unloaded, and not matter what I do I remain in control. Even if I give up external control, my internal control is still there, with a few very special exceptions.

And to be honest, I think I might be the healthiest in mind that I've been in awhile, and the body is coming around.