(no subject)

[bzarcher]

dammit. Dammit. DAMMIT. DAMMIT!

I'm hearing friends, and how they're hurting, especially one in particular, and I can't do anything to help them. The only things I can offer won't work. Every time I try to attack the problem, turn it to angles, find a way to approach them...all I get is more and more headaches.

I hate this. I've been told since early childhood that I'm a genius. That I have above average mental abilities and problem-solving skills.

So why the fuck am I sitting here useless? Some fucking genius I am.

I know I shouldn't feel like this...but...when a friend tells you she feels that she's died inside, and all I can do is stand there and try to speak...

I feel like one of those people who get the report card "needs to apply himself to succeed." Except I never did, and now I'm left with nothing, not even the potential.

I'm crying. I'm sitting at the computer table in my parent's living room, and I'm crying. Consider this part of that, except it doesn't wake them up. You probably don't want to read it.

Comments

[ardaniel]

Nothing like providing a little firsthand evidence to back up all the hearsay.

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

Sorry you had see that. :/

[ardaniel]

I'm not. It finally gave me a chance to snark at her about what a jackass she is. Before now, I didn't get that. :)

[skarlette.livejournal.com]

Oh gods love are you okay? Anything I can do? If there is let me know....

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

Sleep helped...still feel kinda bad, but not angry at myself.

Just hold me for awhile, please?

[skarlette.livejournal.com]

Of course love. That is not too much to ask. *stroking your hair*

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

*gently curls into you*

Thank you, love. Thank you.

[skarlette.livejournal.com]

Love I got to head off to work. I should be back on around midnight your time if you want to talk and as I have monday off, I can stay up late, okay? Ta Ta For Now. *kiss* Lisa

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

*kisses*

I -will- be there, love. Dunno how late I can stay, with leaving tomorrow...but I will be there.

[sehkmet.livejournal.com]

Matt, you're a sweetheart.

I'm also sorry for ranting at you earlier. I had a shit-tastic day, as you heard, and I truly do appreciate the fact that you tried to help me out. I can't be helped much at this point - no, that's not fatalistic, it's just the physical limitations of the situation right now. ;>

In two months, I will be free, and I will never look back. And we shall have a big party to celebrate, and you and skarlette both are totally welcome. I have no idea what can be done in Guelph, but we'll figure something out. :D

By the way, skarlette, thank you for coming into his life. You're the best thing to happen to him in a while, and I admit to some selfish joy seeing him happy. ;)

As you can see, I'm mostly better now. An absolutely wonderful and riotous RP is lifting my spirits immensely. Please, don't fret. I will be okay, I promise. I'm too damn stubborn not to be. :D

--S.

[skarlette.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I am sorry you were hurt if it helps in any way, you can always talk to me. One of the things I learned long ago was the art of being an open ear and a soft, absorbant shoulder. Hey coming into his life was my pleasure, really. ;-)

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

*hugs, and kisses your soft, absorbant shoulder*

And I'm still very glad we've been able to please each other. :D

[sehkmet.livejournal.com]

So cute, so cute!

Now I need an insulin shot... [/teasing]

I'm not one to talk, after all. ::eyes tempest56 affectionately:: Hell, we're worse - we do it on the MUSH. :D

Keep being cute and happy. There's not enough love in this world. EDIT:... and one day maybe I'll learn to use the LJ tags right. Argh!

--S.

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

*throws pillow atcha!*

Bah. You two -are- much worse :D

I'm hoping we keep so, tho.

And the tags come with pracitce. And tea.

I did it for Ether and Precision...

[spiralpegasus.livejournal.com]

o/~ When the moon hits your eyes, like a big pizza pie, that's amore... o/~

(Sadly I can't sing like Dino despite some shared national heritage.)

Re: I did it for Ether and Precision...

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

You guys are all horrible, you know that? :D

Don't ever change.