(no subject)

[bzarcher]

As any of you who also read skarlette's journal already know, she has the opportunity of a lifetime before her. Everything she's ever wanted to do, travel, excitement, and new experiences.

Yes. I told her to go for it. Yes. I told her to go for the interview and take the job if she gets the offer.

Yes, I told her to be happy, even if it means I may not see her for years at a time.

This will mark the 4th time I have told someone I loved very deeply (at one level or another, not all romantically), that I would rather have them be happy than be somewhere that I might be with them.

It hurts. But I know it's the right thing to do.

So, after tucking her into bed and wishing her sweet dreams, why can't I sleep?

I keep telling myself that as long as I'm doing the right thing, I'm able to look myself in the mirror.

So why does the 'right thing' keep meaning I'm going to be alone?

Truly, I must have -really- pissed in someone's wheaties in a past life.

(And yes, I know that I am assuming she will be asked to take the position after interviews and the rest. I do so because I know she is someone who would do the job wonderfully, would possess excellent dedication to the post, would be more than skilled in accomplishing her tasks, and would do an excellent job of educating and caring for the children she would be asked to tend to. I assume she will get the job because I know that she is the best. I would probably be far less concerned if I didn't believe she was capable of the job. Perhaps that's part of what's different? On 2 previous occasions where this situation came up, I told them to try, but I doubted the people in question would succeed. But her...no. I have no doubt in my mind that <lj user="skarlette" will succeed.)

Comments

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

You are right. I just....I don't want her giving things up because of me. I'm not worth that.

[branwynelf.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, think of it this way: If you were offered a great job that meant travel and all she'd get from this one, but it meant giving up her, would you? I'm sure she'd tell you not to pass it up 'coz she's not worth it. I'm sure you think otherwise, and you'd have to really consider what you'd be giving up to take the job as well as what you'd be giving up if you didn't take it, eh?

Give her the benefit of being allowed to consider you to have worth in her life. And remember, even if she takes it, it no more means she thinks you worthless than your taking your (hypothetical) job would mean you find her worthless to your life.

But honestly ... dont' stress about the "what-ifs" until the job is offered to her. Otherwise you may end up with an ulcer over a decision that never needs to be made. (And for the record, I'm LOUSY at following this advice myself, but it's still good advice I think.)

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

I'll do my best. Thanks.

[gigerlicious.livejournal.com]

If even you don't think you're not worth it, then it's really a non-issue, right? If there's less worth in you than a job, then resign to that since your feelings should follow suit. Otherwise I think you should realize you are worth it, and that's why you are struggling.