Random facts about Vin Diesel.

[bzarcher]

Vin Diesel once fixed Stephen Hawking's body. Then Hawking tried to take over the world but Vin Diesel broke Hawking's body again after defeating him in Scrabble.

When Vin Diesel recently underwent surgery to remove an obstructed liver, surgeons were suprised to find a smaller Vin Diesel inside him.

Vin Diesel was the eighth son of a seventh son, which drove him to a mad, vengeful hate of his family, he has them in cryostasis in that underground warehouse in Nebraska.

After the big bang happened, all the matter in the universe was projected outwards at millions of miles per hour toward the edges of space. The only thing left in the middle was Vin Diesel.

If the words "Autobots Transform!" are ever spoken in Vin Diesel's presence, his body will fold in and out of itself, forming a 1998 Dodge Neon. If he hears the words "Deceptacons Attack!", he emits an atomic blast out of his urethra.

Google searches Vin Diesel. EDIT: That's not 100% correct. 97 of Google's 132 primary clusters are subcutaneously implanted under Vin's left nipple. However, after the Paris Hilton sidekick fiasco, it was discovered that Vin Diesel lacked sufficient power density and bandwidth to keep Google running smoothly under heavy load, so 35 of the primary search clusters were removed from the actual Vin Diesel, and implanted in his Doppelganger from the Bizarro universe. Bizarro Vin Diesel is a scrawny japanese-american accountant who resides in Murfreesboro, Tennesee.

...I could do this all day.

Comments

[chaoticgoodnik.livejournal.com]

Possibly the best and scariest: "Vin Diesel's scrotum was torn off by an angry tyrannosaurus on his last expedition to Africa in 1984. It was replaced by skin from the tyrannosaurus' leg, which Vin ripped off with his bare hands, and his testicles were replaced by radioactive remains from Fat Man and Little Boy, the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This also explains why Japanese people are extremely anxious around him."

[nachitor.livejournal.com]

I hate Vin Diesel and hope he dies prematurely!

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

Sadly, as Vin Diesel is over 3200 years old, this is very doubtful.

[nachitor.livejournal.com]

This is the driving ambition behind my time machine designs.

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

Buy me some Surge while you're there.

[nachitor.livejournal.com]

As yet I am only able to travel to 1:04 AM, June 5th, 1973.

[bzarcher.livejournal.com]

I'd say this calls for buying some "vintage" toys.

[avylin.livejournal.com]

TO BILL BRASK- er... VIN DIESEL *hefts a scotch*

[obliviousally.livejournal.com]

Ah, good times.

[ninniane.livejournal.com]

Vin Diesel mystereriously disappeared four years ago, only to show up at the US Embassy in Guatamala, bearing the head of Medusa. When asked how he killed her, he vaguely replied, "A quarter mile at a time...a quarter mile at a time..."